Gran is on her way

   In this wonderful world of firsts that I seem to be living in lately, I add another today. Justins' grandmother or Gran as they call her is on her way here. The purpose is to meet me and Fisher for the first time and see Justin again after a year away. I am not as scared as I was when I had the pleasure of meeting his parents and I am excited that they are coming too. We have been frantically preparing for this visit for a few days. After the new dogs have been here a few weeks they have shed a lot of hair so I rented a carpet cleaner and did the whole house. Fisher did not like the noise, he screamed every time the machine was turned on Needless to say, I had to be real sneaky about things. The floors dried quicker than I expected but with all the traffic that we have I am sure the the white carpet wont last long. The Kitchen was next on my list; I finished that this morning after an amazing breakfast.
   The house is starting to look and smell pretty nice after all the vacuuming, mopping,sweeping, wiping, organizing and spraying Justin is outside weed eating the lawn while me and baby take a break. He is kicking away making tons of noises.When we get up there is alot more work to do but we have  a few hours to finish. I cannot wait to show how the boy has grown in the last month, He can sit up easily and sucks his thumb! I wil share pictures of every one with Fisher tonight after our guests go home but for now its back to work for me.

sunshine and rainbows

Thought I would drop in while I have a second. Huge wave of a optimism around the house today, and engergy. Oh how I have missed this feeling. Fisher slept through the night and the nightmares I have been fighting didn't show up. We even slept in!!!! Daddy is getting off in just a few minutes, we can not wait to get out of this house for awhile. It will be nice to come home too, the house is clean, laundry done, dishes washed and about to cook lunch. Baby boy has been so good today too. Okay to sum up.. good day, its getting better.

My baby doesn't sleep and now he plays with guns

   The past week or so has been hard on the family in the sleep department. Well actually, hard on me. There has been serval nights when I break down crying in the middle of the night when Fisher wakes up. Since birth he has been a pretty good baby, he sleeps well but for awhile it was only on me. Gradually he moved to his bed and slept more and more through the night. It wasn't long before nights were a wonderful event full of 'me' time and sleep. Even though i am bragging a little, this didn't last long. Recently baby boy is waking up every three hours fussing about and honestly making our life pretty hard. This along with the desire to stay awake all day leads to a very tired momma. I researched it alot, by researching I mean I googled it. Anyway, there is aparently a name for his sleeplessness called 4 month sleep regression. AS with everything else my boy is a early bloomer. He is 3 months, 3 weeks and one day old!
   I told you that to tell you this. If anyone else  has something to say about how I am a bad mother or that you don't think the store we are in will approve of the picture I am taking YOU better watch out. I will tell you that your 2 year old is a nightmare of a child and she should stop knocking over displays. I will find a manager when you yell in my face . Oh I WILL file a police report when you have the nerve to call the number on the side of my truck and file a false complaint to who you think is my employer. You were talkinging to my dad by the way. I am an overtired over work and cranky momma! I will stand up for myself and my baby. I hope you get whats coming to you.

   Let me explain myself and the little temper tantrum I just through. We were in bass pro shop, near the shooting games. I though it would be cute to take a picture with the guns on the game (it was). Mid picture, this lady approuches me and begins to nag about how unsafe the whole thing was. How guns kill people and we should really think about lettin our little one touch them. It proceeded into a agrument about how we should (and might) be reported to DHS. After all of this, i call my dad to tell him about the experience. Just so happens he recieved a complaint on our truck saying that the driver looked and acted drunk. I am so glad to be home, this is why I dislike being around alot of people! After a night like that I am fighting off a bad attitude and headache.

What the hell?

  First, and the best thing, my little man rolled from his back to his tummy and back again. He then proceeded to find his voice. I am so proud! Fisher is growing fast right before our eyes. Everyday he makes new discoveries, his tounge, his voice and of course the ability to roll back and forth. My first reponse to this new skill was to scream, clap and then call my mother to tell her how amazingly smart her only grandson is. Her reaction? To promptly tell me how awful it is going to be when he starts crawling, wich is apparently pretty soon. What the hell mom? Shouldn't you just be happy? Since then, Fisher has also began to grab toys and even shake them around. Occasionally I will catch him sucking on his thumb. I know the thumb thing is not the most impressive but I definatly think its the cutest. Maybe it is because we saw him sucking his thumb on Christmas in a ultrasound. It has always stuck with me.

  In the past week I think that I am learning as much as baby boy is. I am getting much better at doing laundry. I mean really doing laundry.... washing, drying, folding and hanging. I CAN DO IT ALL! Also, I am getting better at the whole dishes thing. I absolutly hate dishes, even with a dishwasher I can't stand the whole process. When I was a kid I always tried to con my mother into doing the dishes for me. It always worked because I would clean the bathroom for her. It was always a fair trade but I got the better end of the deal in my eyes. In school I lived off of paper plates and the microwave dinners. I also sent my clothes to the cleaners to be done. I was spoiled to say the least. Even though this stopped when I got pregnant, I was still spoiled. Well, those days seem to be a lifetime away. Now I am here, still spoiled but in a different way, our own house a beautiful baby boy, a wonderful man I can count on for everything. So I'm happy.

   Since it took over an hour to type what is 20 minutes worth of  thoughts I should deal with my baby now. He is grunting in the middle of tummy time meaning only one thing......

Begining of our second begining

  I should begin this post by saying I am sorry, however I think you could enjoy it. There is a high possibility that I can ramble on and on today; so much has happen in the last few days that I can talk about. Okay, here we go.......
  It has only been a few days since the worst experience of my life, we are working through it slowly but I think that we will be just fine. Fisher, of coarse, has no idea and I couldn't be more thankful for that. I am also thankful that I didn't go blab my big mouth to everyone spreading the news I was pregnant. The only people that know about the whole ordeal are a some amazing women that I am in a Facebook group with and Justin. They have been very supportive. I am not sure how its going to play out but I am hopeful. In different pregnancy news, a good friend of mine had her baby boy today. She went through 24 hours of intense labor and is now more happy than ever. It made me really happy that I only labored for 12 hours. LUCKY!!! It has also made me pretty sad and I finally opened up to Justin about my feelings last night. I don't like that Fisher is no longer the youngest of the group and that he will now be pushed to the side. Now on to better news.
   Wednesday was a pretty calm day, I spent most of it relaxing and playing with little baby boy, Thursday was a little more eventful considering the extreme thunderstorms we went through. The hail pounded the roof, porch and truck for hours and hours. The wind whistled through the trees sounding like howls in the distance. It somehow managed to rain straight down and sideways at the same time. When the hail started Justin had to go put the horses in their stalls. I was beginning to get scared because it took a long time and the horses are a few acers down the road, leaving me and Fisher alone for a while.That night we also learned that Baily, our oldest horse doesn't like rain, the back door leaks a little and I make some killer meatloaf. Everything turned out fine and we survived our first storm in the new house. The next day held a similar fate, the only huge difference was that I sat on my butt watching American Idol while Justin and Fisher played around on Craigslist. Friday is where all the excitement lays.
   Justin was lucky enough to get off at 1 in the afternoon, my little brother Hunter came to visit us and we ventured off to Tulsa. It is a pretty big deal to go to town in this family. We were rather crammed into our little truck but eventually made our way to Bass Pro Shop. It was a blast. We went all over taking pictures of the little man in front of things. I LOVED IT! Two and a half hours later, we only bought fishing hooks and a patch to sew on to baby's blanket. Oh, we also had the privilege of adopting two huskies!
 Jade and Indie are two beautiful dogs that Justin found on craigslist. He had been looking for awhile and we decided that this was the right time. They are very loving dogs but extremely hyper. Jade kept us up all night jumping on and off the bed, eventually we had to barricade the door with the TV. The totally sucky part of that is, Fisher slept the whole night.... we sure didn't. I guess that brings me back to today.
There have been a few changes in our house this week, some loss and some gain. We now must remember, Everything happens for a reason.

Where do I start? This morning while playing on the computer and cuddling with my little man I started to get cramps. Light at first, then worse and worse. After a very emotional day I am sitting here in bed trying to find away to come to terms with what is happening. There will be no baby. For now, it will only be Fisher, mommy and daddy. I am an emotional wreck. There will be no baby. I'm so sorry but as of now, I have no words that even come close to what I am supose to say or feel. I will post more later but as I sit here, tears in my eyes and a heavy heart. There will be no baby.

Sleepless in..... Oklahoma

Lord, please help me I am so unbelievably tired. I honestly don't know if I can sit here a pat the back of this precious child much longer. We ran out of baby rice last night and forgot to get it while at Wal-mart. Its a big deal considering it was on one trip out of the boonedocks until Saturday. Oh, did I mention that Justin lovingly refused to turn around when I remembered that I had forgot the one reason we had ventured out?

Anyway, here I sit, at 4:30 in the morning. One lamp, the ceiling fan and the computer screen to look at. YAY. Baby boy is so restless because his stomach isn't full. In a bit of a panic and almost no choice I decided to fill his tiny belly up with banana. That made for some cute pictures and a good laugh.

After all that and a good bath (I got one too) Fisher did fall asleep on the pallet made on the floor. At my bed time Daddy picked him up and carried him to our room, layed him down and patted his back for a minute. Five minutes later as Justin and I lay there talking Fisher wakes up. What the haymaker little one? I broke down sobbing and managed to get out my point that I will never sleep again, At what age do they sleep through the night??? Probably sensing that there was an emotional breakdown going on, he promptly went pack to sleep. In his own bed too! Haha, the next part of my sleepless story makes me giggle. Momma woke up with a full bladder, one of the unfortunate signs of pregnancy. I stumbled to the bathroom and back again, crawled into bed and wrestled with the blankets for a few seconds. Laid my head on the pillow letting out a sigh of relief that everyone was still sleeping. NOPE, the sounds of fussy baby came from across the room as he tossed and turned until I just had to pick him up and rock him back to sleep. 

So here I sit, sleep deprived, cranky and a little running off of  three hours of sleep. The house is in need of desprate cleaning and my best friend in the world is coming over tomorrow to take a home pregnancy test that she is afraid of. Im sitting here and can't help but feel a little blessed.... and tired.