Begining of our second begining

  I should begin this post by saying I am sorry, however I think you could enjoy it. There is a high possibility that I can ramble on and on today; so much has happen in the last few days that I can talk about. Okay, here we go.......
  It has only been a few days since the worst experience of my life, we are working through it slowly but I think that we will be just fine. Fisher, of coarse, has no idea and I couldn't be more thankful for that. I am also thankful that I didn't go blab my big mouth to everyone spreading the news I was pregnant. The only people that know about the whole ordeal are a some amazing women that I am in a Facebook group with and Justin. They have been very supportive. I am not sure how its going to play out but I am hopeful. In different pregnancy news, a good friend of mine had her baby boy today. She went through 24 hours of intense labor and is now more happy than ever. It made me really happy that I only labored for 12 hours. LUCKY!!! It has also made me pretty sad and I finally opened up to Justin about my feelings last night. I don't like that Fisher is no longer the youngest of the group and that he will now be pushed to the side. Now on to better news.
   Wednesday was a pretty calm day, I spent most of it relaxing and playing with little baby boy, Thursday was a little more eventful considering the extreme thunderstorms we went through. The hail pounded the roof, porch and truck for hours and hours. The wind whistled through the trees sounding like howls in the distance. It somehow managed to rain straight down and sideways at the same time. When the hail started Justin had to go put the horses in their stalls. I was beginning to get scared because it took a long time and the horses are a few acers down the road, leaving me and Fisher alone for a while.That night we also learned that Baily, our oldest horse doesn't like rain, the back door leaks a little and I make some killer meatloaf. Everything turned out fine and we survived our first storm in the new house. The next day held a similar fate, the only huge difference was that I sat on my butt watching American Idol while Justin and Fisher played around on Craigslist. Friday is where all the excitement lays.
   Justin was lucky enough to get off at 1 in the afternoon, my little brother Hunter came to visit us and we ventured off to Tulsa. It is a pretty big deal to go to town in this family. We were rather crammed into our little truck but eventually made our way to Bass Pro Shop. It was a blast. We went all over taking pictures of the little man in front of things. I LOVED IT! Two and a half hours later, we only bought fishing hooks and a patch to sew on to baby's blanket. Oh, we also had the privilege of adopting two huskies!
 Jade and Indie are two beautiful dogs that Justin found on craigslist. He had been looking for awhile and we decided that this was the right time. They are very loving dogs but extremely hyper. Jade kept us up all night jumping on and off the bed, eventually we had to barricade the door with the TV. The totally sucky part of that is, Fisher slept the whole night.... we sure didn't. I guess that brings me back to today.
There have been a few changes in our house this week, some loss and some gain. We now must remember, Everything happens for a reason.

Where do I start? This morning while playing on the computer and cuddling with my little man I started to get cramps. Light at first, then worse and worse. After a very emotional day I am sitting here in bed trying to find away to come to terms with what is happening. There will be no baby. For now, it will only be Fisher, mommy and daddy. I am an emotional wreck. There will be no baby. I'm so sorry but as of now, I have no words that even come close to what I am supose to say or feel. I will post more later but as I sit here, tears in my eyes and a heavy heart. There will be no baby.

Sleepless in..... Oklahoma

Lord, please help me I am so unbelievably tired. I honestly don't know if I can sit here a pat the back of this precious child much longer. We ran out of baby rice last night and forgot to get it while at Wal-mart. Its a big deal considering it was on one trip out of the boonedocks until Saturday. Oh, did I mention that Justin lovingly refused to turn around when I remembered that I had forgot the one reason we had ventured out?

Anyway, here I sit, at 4:30 in the morning. One lamp, the ceiling fan and the computer screen to look at. YAY. Baby boy is so restless because his stomach isn't full. In a bit of a panic and almost no choice I decided to fill his tiny belly up with banana. That made for some cute pictures and a good laugh.

After all that and a good bath (I got one too) Fisher did fall asleep on the pallet made on the floor. At my bed time Daddy picked him up and carried him to our room, layed him down and patted his back for a minute. Five minutes later as Justin and I lay there talking Fisher wakes up. What the haymaker little one? I broke down sobbing and managed to get out my point that I will never sleep again, At what age do they sleep through the night??? Probably sensing that there was an emotional breakdown going on, he promptly went pack to sleep. In his own bed too! Haha, the next part of my sleepless story makes me giggle. Momma woke up with a full bladder, one of the unfortunate signs of pregnancy. I stumbled to the bathroom and back again, crawled into bed and wrestled with the blankets for a few seconds. Laid my head on the pillow letting out a sigh of relief that everyone was still sleeping. NOPE, the sounds of fussy baby came from across the room as he tossed and turned until I just had to pick him up and rock him back to sleep. 

So here I sit, sleep deprived, cranky and a little running off of  three hours of sleep. The house is in need of desprate cleaning and my best friend in the world is coming over tomorrow to take a home pregnancy test that she is afraid of. Im sitting here and can't help but feel a little blessed.... and tired.

Bath, Bottle, Bed

   It is 9:05pm and the baby is fast asleep, its so unusal I feel extremly releaved and very wore out. It has been the longest night we have had in a long time. Little boy decieded to scream all the way through the making of dinner, Justin walked and even jogged back and forth through the house until Fisher finally nuzzled his face into daddys' chest, let out a sigh and closed his little blue eyes. Fifteen minutes later I hear the eardrum breaking scream that could only come from my little boy. Ugh... I love him!
  After two dirty diapers and a bottle of watered down apple juice it was time for a bath. Its really the only routine we have set in place. Fisher gets a bath and a bottle of rice and formula, burped then its off to bed. The whole process usually goes pretty well, he loves to play in the water and then snuggle with momma. Well.... tonight it was like tossing a angry cat into a pool of ice cold water. Haha i can't help but laugh at it now but while the eyeball popping  wails were in progress I wanted to cry. Dad took over for awhile because I just couldn't handle it. An hour or two later, he lays here warm and cozy sleeping like an angel.

Tomorrow is a new day lets see what that brings!

My new fisherman

 WOW! This is the very firstvblog of what I am hoping turns into a successful hobby and interesting way to meet and stay in touch with new people. I have a lot to say, however I usually have a tree month old baby in my arms so I will probably skip out from time to time. Sorry in advance.

   Fisher is my first son, he was born January 28th 2011. He is the love of my life and undoubtable the best thing that has ever happened to me. Justin, my boyfriend and his father follows as a close second. I consider myself to be extremely lucky. That being said, they are both part of the biggest challenge of my life. The whole pregnancy was rough on me so I was ready to just have my baby. I was induced, we started the 27th and had consant contractions for 9 hours. Twelve hours later my little man was here.... screaming. He hasnt stopped since.
   We lived with my sick grandma during the pregnancy, when Fisher came it was just too hard to take care of them both. So we moved! But it took almost three months to renovate the house so we stayed with my parents and his parents. We moved in two weeks ago!!!!!! As I sit here this is the BEGINING of a whole new life. I am adjusting to being a mom and "wife". Okay, we are not married but we are working on that :)
   Justin and I have only been together since January of 2010. Yeah not long right? Believe me, everything about my new life has happened that fast! Before we moved in together I was spoiled freakin rotten by everyone, family and friends included. It was like that during my pregnancy too. Then all of the sudden BAM I am a mother and woman of the house in control of bills and diapers, appointments and packed luches. I sit  watching the new things that my son learns everyday and I realize that I am learning new things as well.

This is the chronicals of my new love and new life as we all three learn to live together, work together and keep our love as a family alive.  Join me as I learn, grow, mess everything up and eventually get this life right!

Oh by the way....... I'M PREGNANT